Loose Lips – 100 Word Flash Fiction

 

The pathologist stifled a yawn as he entered the bedroom. What remained of the young woman was spread across the bed before him. Moving past ashen detectives, he began his examination. The head, though blood-spattered, was uninjured. Sightless eyes stared up at him. With the lightest touch from his gloved hand, he teased open her thick, full lips, revealing the slack tongue inside. Formerly motile organs that had brought him such pleasure just a few short hours ago…

He drew back, mindful of his colleagues. Soon, she’d be on the slab in his morgue. Then the fun would really begin.

* * *

This one was inspired by the work of a friend of mine, Mr. Daniel Brown (no, not that one). Technically, his Creative Commons license forbids expanding on any of his work, but I’m kinda of hoping he won’t mind in this case. If he does, then this is not the same character. Just one very similar. They look alike, too, and have a similar MO. But they’re totally different, I assure you. His story is well worth a read and fits the rules for this here contest perfectly, so be sure to check it out. You maybe could encourage him to get in on this, too. Be subtle about it though, don’t just charge in shouting “WRITE MORE STUFF!” I have learned from bitter experience that this is not a good way to motivate someone, unless that someone is a fist that you want to motivate into your face.

Right, I’m off to read other people’s stuff now, assuming my internet holds out. Honestly, a little bit of snow and the greatest technological achievement known to man goes on the fritz. Internet scientists, sort this out before the next ice age or we could have a problem. Hopefully your internet is OK, in which case feel free to read, comment and link back to your entries. If you have no idea what I’m talking about (which, let’s face it, is likely the case) drop by Madison Woods’ blog to learn more about the Friday Fictioneers (not to be confused with the Musketeers, or indeed the Muskehounds). Have fun! Just don’t mess up the place.

Jake

Creative Commons Licence
Loose Lips by Jake Kale is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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40 thoughts on “Loose Lips – 100 Word Flash Fiction

  1. Your story was completely horrific and very well told. I just have a problem if people do not use the prompt provided by Madison.
    I strongly encourage you to do so, for even the most inauspicious photos turn out to produce some of the most imaginative and well presented stories – such as those this week from that unprepossessing photo.
    Yours sagely,
    Lindaura
    P.S. The devil made me do it.

    • The first time I entered the Flash Fiction challenge I had no idea there was a prompt, so I just came up with something off the top of my head. When I realized my mistake I panicked and almost didn’t post anything, until I was reassured that using Madison’s prompt wasn’t strictly a rule. Of course at that point I realized I needed something to riff off, so I came up with my own picture. This allowed my to flex my artistic muscles which I greatly enjoyed, so I’ve done that with my entries since then. I haven’t ruled out using Madison’s prompts, but if something pops into my head, as the above image did (actually it’s been festering away in there for some time), then I can’t help but use that.

      PS: Thanks for the praise, even if you didn’t like the inspiration. And watch out for that devil. He’s a sly bastard!

    • That’s a great compliment in my book, thanks very much! You’re right, this guy does have the perfect gig. For one thing, he has access to all the evidence from the victim’s body so he can easily get rid of anything that points to him, and as long as he’s careful not to be seen with the victim prior to the murder or to leave any other evidence at the scene he’ll get away Scott-free (not that I’m trying to give anyone ideas or anything). Indeed, as you say, who would suspect the coroner? Think of Quincy, or Doc Robbins from CSI. Could you imagine them being serial killers?

      I can.

  2. This made a very interesting read! Lot of drama happening here… Interesting how every job, however shocking for the rest of the world becomes mundane and routine for the one who lives it day after day.. A very interesting shift of perspective. Very clever!

    • I know it’s technically cheating since I’ve used my own prompt, but then I’m a rebel like that! You’re right, I could’ve gone some many different ways with this. All of them bad!

      Other readers, if you haven’t yet then check out Lupus’s entry. It sticks to the official prompt and takes it in a very surprising direction!

      • Unlike other hosts of flash fiction, Madison does actually say “Write a 100-word story (more or less, and it’s okay if you didn’t use this picture for inspiration),” so I wouldn’t be worried about it.

        Thank you for your comments.

        • I know, I’ve already been set straight after having a minor panic attack with my first entry. I plan to fully exploit this loophole to show off my mad artistic skills (such as they are).

          And you’re welcome!

  3. Wow…this gave me goosebumps. Nice job. Nice twist. However, at the end, I was waiting for a broken mushroom to be found under her tongue or buttocks. Then I read your explanation. Next wk, I’d like to see you use Madison’s photo prompt. I have a feeling you will come up with another goosebumping doozie. Lora 🙂

    • Like I said earlier, I haven’t ruled out using the prompts. But I do enjoy doing my own thing too, so no promises.

      PS: It pleases me way more than it should to know I gave someone goosebumps. I still got it!

  4. It seems I have prompt defenders 😉 I really don’t care that you don’t use the prompt. But hahahahha, I am thinking Lora had a good idea for how to incorporate it this time!

    Your 100 words would make an excellent crime novel and I hope you are working on that. I was at once grossed out and entranced while reading it. The kind of book I might have wished I hadn’t started but wouldn’t be able to quit reading.

    • I’m not sure if I have the tenacity for a full-length novel. I’ve written an eight-chapter short before, and that was an ordeal. For now, I quite like the short story format. And indeed the drabble format! In any case, the Pathologist is technically Dan’s character, so I’m not sure how he’d feel about that.

      PS: Thanks for setting my mind at rest about the prompt thing. It’s nice to get an OK from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.

    • One of the good things I’ve found in writing very short stories before is how you can completely change direction at a breakneck pace, before the audience can anticipate the twist. Its a thing I like to exploit!

      Not sure if I’ve visited yours yet, but if not I’m on my way now.

    • Thanks! As I said in my previous reply, I enjoy executing these sudden twists! I must remember not to do them too often though. I don’t want to come down with M. Night Shyamalan syndrome.

    • Thanks very much! I do worry when posting darker material whether or not I’ll upset someone, but time and time again the reaction has been positive. I’m not sure what that says, but I’m very happy about it!

    • Thanks for the comment, glad you enjoyed it!

      I have heard of Dexter but I’ve never seen it. It’s on my list of shows to check out. I do have experience writing serial killers, though. I’ve been publishing a webcomic for almost three years now that features a serial killer as one of the main characters. This is him here.

  5. Thanks! I’m a man of many talents. Well, two. Well, three if laziness counts as a talent.

    And I will definitely check out Dexter. If anything, it might give me some new ideas about where to take Mark.

    • Sorry I’m a bit late with this reply, it’s been a busy couple of days. So people are recognizing me now. I’m torn between yelling “Bout time!” and freaking out. I think I might do both. That should really confuse the neighbours.

      On my way to yours now.

    • Really sorry for the delay approving this, I have been super busy! “Lovingly horrific” is an excellent description, I may steal that. Thanks very much for your comment!

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